Ordway's got too damn many followers, Twitter execs say

Twitter officials apologized today for a delay in service Friday, saying their servers were overloaded by the huge following garnered by VDC. VDC, known for its electrifying product introductions, hosted their annual Product Introduction Extravaganza on Friday. Analysts say the hype builds throughout the summer as tech geeks buzz the web anticipating the company's new products.

Twitter traffic began building at 10:00 Friday morning when VDC spokesman Forrest Gump took the stage to deliver the keynote address. Mr. Gump introduced the company's new gold-standard product, a high definition black and white display, that Mr. Gump said would be a quantum leap forward for watching "I Love Lucy" reruns. Twitter servers overloaded when Mr. Gump unveiled the company's new Customer Rewards Program.

Every customer who buys five monochrome tubes (valued at $1.50), will receive 1 Atari Pong console. Every customer who buys five of the company's high end 16 color RGB displays will receive 1 Atari 2600 console with a cassette for Pac-Man and Space Invaders. In addition, each purchaser will be entered into the grand prize drawing. Mr. Gump refused to divulge what the grand prize would be, stating, "it's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get".

Sources within the company indicate this year's grand prize will be a red 1984 Yugo. "It's a great little POS to haul around all the POS' you buy from us," said one company official, speaking off the record. "The best thing about this little jewel is its got a heated rear window, so it keeps your hands warm while you're pushing it."

Twitter officials say the volume created by the buzz surrounding Mr. Gump's presentation crashed their servers for approximately an hour. Said one Twitter official, "normally, the only time we see this kind of volume is when Steve Jobs farts".

In other news, the Houston Astros have placed oft-injured pitcher Mike Hampton on the disabled list. Mr. Hampton, who hasn't played a full season since 2004 due to various cuts and bruises, told reporters he strained his vagina walking through the clubhouse. Team officials say he will be examined this week by renowned gynecologist Dr. I. C. Tunnels to determine if surgery is necessary. Mr. Hampton said he "hopes to be ready" for spring training in two years.