The Philosophy of Ambiguity
(Sorry for the caps- cut and paste you know)
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
Please enjoy the conundrums of the following:
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T
PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA,
FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY
DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS
BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS
LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE
SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP
SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT
WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL
QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES
HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES
THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT
CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY
FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED
ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY
GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A
WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION
BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL
CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE
HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL
HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-
THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD
ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED
BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T
TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS
ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO
THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO,
WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH
HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE
WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS"
INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE
CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR
CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A
CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME
DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS
OF GOD